godofpizza:

Hi newbies of Austin! Let me give you a few pointers to make your time in Austin a pleasant one:

A) It’s hot here. It’s going to be rather warm until about late November. It will most likely be 70 degrees on Thanksgiving. Accept it. Live it. Love it. Don’t complain about it. You probably got into…

Rebuttal time, motherfuckers:

0) who the fuck makes a list in using letters?

1) It’ll be in the upper 50s for Thanksgiving. Last year, we got snow in the winter. It’s not always hot.

2) 6th street is fun, but in moderation. Other areas, sure, they aren’t as loud, but 6th is a good place to start. (I say this even though I don’t necessarily like 6th)

3) Local “culture” if you even want to call it that has been diluted by hipsters, so fuck it.

4) “y’all” is just southern, not strictly Texan. I use and have since I was 4. I like my hat and my boots just fine, thank ya.

5) Fuck hipsters. They’re a good source to unleash any pent up frustration.

6) I don’t go to coffee shops, so whatever.

7) If you don’t want “Hook ‘Em” yelled at you, don’t ride an orange bike, don’t wear orange clothes especially on Saturdays. (also avoid maroon)

8) I agree with this one.

9) and this one.

10) fuck, I guess this one too.

11) But drunken Taco Bell and McD’s are still good. Local pizza joints ftw.

12-16) Good for the pool, not much else.

17-19) Burnt Orange clothes on Saturdays, Thanksgiving, Torch Light and Hex rallies. Orange hat: everyday.

20-22) Roppolo’s, Mellow mushroom, the pizza trucks and BHP.

23) You cross the East Side of I-35 you can kiss your ass goodbye. NEVER GO THERE! (unless you need some serious drugs, then, by all means)

24) You can go north of 183 & 71. There’s plenty to do you just need to know where to look. There’s some good stuff off 360 and 2222 as well.

25) The Highland Mall is a hell hole. Skinny jeans? Are you fucking kidding me?

and 

26) Being open to “stonerdom” only applies within Austin city limits and then only as long as those limits fall within Travis County. You cross into Williamson, son, you fucked.

In rebuttal to your rebuttal (and honestly, this is all in pure fun):

0) Who the fuck starts a list with the number 0? The letters were me singing the alphabet song. I see this caused you great pain. My apologies.

1) I’m from Boston. We wear shorts in the upper 50’s. And one day of flurries does not a snow day make. I do agree that it’s not always hot, last winter was certainly cooler than normal, but honestly, Austin’s winter is like the north’s spring.

2) I agree with this also, it’s great for those nights when you really just want to revel in the crazy. I’ve had many a great night in the 6th street area. My point was, however, to not neglect the other areas of the city that also have a lot to offer. 

3) I don’t know where you live, but I live in a fairly normal neighborhood with a bunch of normal looking families that have their own thing going on. It’s nice. Not every part of Austin is crawling with… hipsters

4) If you’re from the south, that’s one thing and totally fine. I just find northerners who move down here and immediately don cowboy hats and accents funny. 

5) Ah, hipsters. A very polarizing subject. I just find them amusing. It must be nice to have a financial cushion and no ambition. However, not everyone who appears to be a hipster is totally vapid or devoid of any sort of interesting personality, ambition, or heart. Don’t let the ironic facial hair fool you. Some of these folks are genuinely good people. Some of them are total douchebags. I find this is true for any silly subculture.

6) I never used to either until I moved into a house with roommates who have loud sex about 23 of the 24 hours in a day. You can’t get work done with people screaming “OH BABY OH BABY OH BABY”. At least, I can’t.

7) I didn’t go out and pick an orange bike. I bought it off craigslist. It’s a great bike, I just don’t have the cash to have it repainted. And I don’t mind people yelling about it once in a while, just don’t do it when I’m trying not to die in traffic.

11) I just can’t do fast food unless I’m on a film shoot and there’s nothing else around. My drunken excursions usually end with me passing out before I can even eat anything.

12-16) This was in response to walking into a restaurant the other night where 6 dudes all had the same flip flops on and reminded me how much I hate wearing flip flops and how the hell anyone wears them outside of the pool/beach setting.

17-19) I understand these days. I don’t understand the kids in burnt orange everything everyday. But my college didn’t have a team. It was an art school in Boston. I don’t even know what my school colors were. I think blue and white? The school logo was multicolored for some reason.

20-22) What’s BHP? I haven’t had Roppolo’s, but Mellow Mushroom is quite tasty. I like their sandwiches as well. The pizza trucks are decent for drunk nights, but the prices are absurd.

23) I lived on the East Side when I moved to Austin two years ago. Outside of a dude who tried to steal everyone’s bikes, I didn’t really encounter much of anything.

24) I live off 2222 now. It’s a good area. But if you go too far north, barring a few interesting spots, it’s mostly chain mall land. But I don’t have a car, so I don’t get to explore the outskirts too often. Lalas is pretty interesting…

25) The Highland Mall is not a hell hole, it’s just empty. I’ve seen hell hole malls. This one has some good deals since no one goes there. But it’s a ten minute walk from me, which probably influences why I like it. And yes, I like skinny jeans. I’m sorry I’m a lady who wears them.

26) This is true. Leaving the city limits of Austin is really done at one’s own risk if they’re not from the south, or better yet, if they’re not from Texas. I’ve done a fuckton of film shoots outside of the city in places with a population of maybe 300 (wooo Cranfil’s Gap!) and yes, it’s a different world. A very different world.